Representation

            I enjoy writing, performing, and listening to hip hop music.  Hip hop and rap have always fascinated me.  When I first examined this type of music I saw 2 of my most loved forms of art colliding together and making something beautiful when they meshed.  Whether it is Jay-Z, Lecrae, Eminem, Tedashii, Trip Lee, or Sho Baraka I can honestly just dissect, examine, and take in every piece of sound, information, or feeling that the artist expresses.  When I lay in bed at night I think about specific styles of every artist.  I lay awake and also ponder specific parts of songs, albums, or writings. 

            Me being this involved in hip hop I tend to let people know about my favorite music, atmosphere, or lifestyle without even trying.  Most people can just tell what I am about within a few moments of meeting me.  They either hear me rapping to myself, talking about something, listening to something, or reading something that has to do with hip hop. 

            I attend church at Trinity Bible Church.  You could label TBC as the least hip hop church in America and you would not be far off from the truth.  Most of the people that I am close with at TBC would probably base their opinion on hip hop off of something I have shown them or something I have told them.  Not that I am an expert, but I am probably the most learned real live human in the avenue of “hood” that they personally know.  It makes sense for them to base their views towards me. 

I don’t say any of that stuff to be cocky.  I honestly say it as a reciprocation of how I work.  If I know someone personally who is an amazing cook I am going to ask them their opinions, suggestions, or ideas on situations that arise in my life that have to do with cooking.  Why wouldn’t I?  I have seen them reading books, perfecting recipes, or smelled them after they were performing on their stage (aka kitchen).

I would say that it is just a normal action of humans to gain their opinions on specific hobbies, lifestyles, or trends from the other humans they know that acquire those things in their life.  I am going to take this on a negative route.  I am scared to death of snakes.  When I was in 7^th grade I spent a lot of my time with a good friend of mine named George Gonzalez.  George had gotten bit by a snake and he was always very cautious that it never happened to him or one of his friends again.  I would often ask him questions about when he was bit, and the horror stories that ensued were almost too much to believe.  He told me about how sharp the fangs were, how quick the head moved, and how sick he was after the venom set in.  Because of George and his hatred for snakes, I would say I now have an unhealthy fear of snakes. 

Let’s bring this back to positive town now.  If you were to ask me a question about hip hop I would try and give you the most educated answer I could.  You would probably leave our conversation, encounter, or time together impacted positively in reference to hip hop.  I would not try and change your personal favorite style of music, but you would definitely hear about my favorite type music. 

Whatever we as people claim to know about, spend our time doing, or label ourselves as we must also take the responsibility of representing that same thing in the correct light.  If we twist, distort, or mislead people then all we are doing is being untrue to ourselves and untrue to the lifestyle, genre, or trend we are representing.  If I walked into TBC and started describing a Savage Garden album as hip hop people would be confused as to what hip hop really is.  After all, here is this guy that labels himself as a rapper, and so he must know that this terrible 90’s music falls into the genre of hip hop.

Now, just because I say Savage Garden is hip hop does not change their music.  My words will not make the song “Truly, Madly, Deeply” bump in any set of subs.  However, what did happen was now there are church member across my sanctuary that will hate hip hop music because they actually hate 90’s love songs.  Their entire view of this music is based off of misleading information.

I would say that is why most people under the age of 30 get a terrible taste in their mouth when they hear the name of Jesus Christ.  They see all of these people calling themselves Christians, going to church on Sunday, and hanging out in the youth group.  Then they see those same people at school, on the football field, or at the movies acting completely different than what they did when their parents, pastors, or other adults were around.    

Blasting Like You've Never Owned a Canoe

Life was about me, myself, and I

Gettin’ girls and staying high

Dressin’ nice; I looked so fly

Livin’ large; I was never gonna die

817; I repped my hood

Stayin’ fit; Man, I looked good

Pleasing myself was the only thing that I ever truly understood

Christ came knocking harder than a train wreck

Changed my heart; That’s one safe bet

Me doing me only lead to untruth

I found love in Acts chapter 2

That’s how we are supposed to function (Already)

Know that anything else is all deadly

Safe to call it bodily

My Paul calls it community

John 17 calls it unity

I gotta spit this truthfully

Go on and do what you want to do with me

You better never forget that I belong to the King

He who rules eternally

Also guides my life consistently

He picked me before time begun

He’s the daddy to forgotten sons

That’s why when my praises are sung

It’s to an audience of one

I gotta give it all, man, not just some

Everybody loud now, at the top of your lungs

If you feeling the King

Bounce with this Anthem

I used to stay so high

Now I stay so clean

Living like 1531

Straight out of 1^st Corinthians

“My life is one long death”

I’m called by the King of kings

Yeshua owns this life

It’s a total offering

Call me a zombie

You can say that I’m resurrected

If Jesus is a disease

I’m infected, selected, and perfected

All my flesh: NEGLECTED

TO THE GRAVE IT’S BEEN DIRECTED

I’m gonna be spotless when by God I am inspected

I get so crunk thinking about where my Love is seated

I love it when I think about that devil gettin’ decleated

I love it how I know Eloheim is the one who treated

The biggest loss of all to Luci when he got defeated

I would still follow Christ if His commands got even stricter

He could bid me come and die; death would be my mission

I would still choose this freedom if Heaven wasn’t in the picture

The old me drop dead so fast it registered on the Richter

Even the Bad Times...

I often wonder what David felt like after he did the deed with Bathsheba.  I know that David was “a man after God’s own heart”, and that is what makes this story so interesting to me.  I am so blown away by God’s provision, forgiveness, and love for a man who was given so much.  When I think about it, I find hope that such a “big mistake” was forgiven.  It gives me hope, comfort, and rest.  Who would have ever thought that the picture that King David was painting with his life would produce such a glorious feeling for me.  The most peaceful feeling for me came out of a time of turmoil going on inside the life of the King of Israel.  Only God could make a story of sin produce such a lively feeling in me. My “big mistake” (mistakesssssss) looks nothing like David’s, but I pray that my life may look, resemble, and have the same type of encouragement that his life holds. 

“God, I will never realize all the ways you can use just one life like mine, but I pray that I may constantly seek after you.  Even when I fall, may I arise, stand up, and continue my race in a way that would honor you and encourage others.  Lord, teach my heart to crave what is good, perfect, and honorable.” 

Just so you all know, the follow scripture is a peek into how King David felt when the prophet Nathan called him out:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.”  Psalm 51

Last Night Was That Loveless...

Last night was a mistake.

Oh my mistaken and shaken traits

They end up solving my equations.

My product screams of confusion.

Why are you not standing at my conclusion?

What other forms of liquid must flow from this contusion.

I’m loosing.  I down, dead, and de-elevated.

Jerked around, displayed, and paraded.

My pride and sin fell in love and then mated.

Death! Death! Death is what they named the baby.

In steps light and freedom soon follows.

“But Savior, I’m broken…” while I keep my eyes low.

“My Son, you’re forgiven…” while adjusting His broken bones.

It’s an uncomforting picture.

It has been painted in scripture.

Don’t church up the crucifixion.

His body was horrific so I could be forgiven.

So that Jesus image that was constructed

From soldiers’ torturing being productive

That’s what I felt like last night.

Last night was that loveless.

That death that he felt,

Was the same death that was dealt

Last night was that loveless.

This morning held more forgiveness.

New Song...

NorthernLights

Leave your pride behind and rock that body

Throw your hands up high and rock your body

Community! Living out the body.

We about to kick it sawed off shotty.

I’ve been here time and time again.

I’m laying down in a hole face first in the sand.

Satan the abuser, accuser and loser,

He started with the tempting then I did the choosing.

Beast to say the least, It’s proven in my bruises.

He hates it when I King perusing.

He knows what He’s doing, not bothered by beliefs.

As long as I’m not loosing life from myself and then King pursuing. 

King pursuing like my Jesus taught

Living life like my Jesus walked

Thinking thoughts like my Jesus thought

My life??  My Jesus bought.

So my life is not my own.

Hearing this Holmes?  This Earth is not my home.

I’m living my life as a Jesus Clone.

Don’t get out thought and shoot your mouth off

Pride low, take it slow, patience followed by self control

Sand or rock on your floor, both houses got the storm

Follow Matthew Chapter 4, Cloned like Jesus that’s for sure!

Gimme that bass. Gimme that trebble treble.

Gimme that For Today.  I love my heavy metal.

Gimme my community.

Who is constantly encouraging.

Glor-i-fying the one creating

The air I’m inhaling.

(voice prompt saying “Breathe in now!”)

Are you staying with me?

I’m spittin’ truth not fairy tail.

God is not some hippie.

He’s no where near frail.

“Tripping you must be.” (done in a Yoda voice)

If you think a wuss can produce stars when they exhale.

Life is full blast, fully loaded like a 9

Haters full blast, Keep a Christ centered mind

Media full of lust, “take a look at this hottie!!!”

Bones can’t be lustful in a Christ centered body.

Cameras stay clicking.

Stars keep us smitten.

Satan’s constricting.

He keeps on tricking.

I’m making my stand!!!

I’m supposed to be different!!!

Well I guess your in charge now.

I’m sorry God, I don’t mean to yell.

It feels like everything is slipping from me and falling in the pits of Hell.

I’m terrible with confrontations.

Hate seems to be my motivation.

When you called to love your creation, did you mean in every situation?

Dying to myself is what I claim to stand on.

While lying to my Paul and acting like there is not a problem.

And you say hating someone like I went off and shot them.

Well that means I am the worst, all time low if bad is the bottom.

Sky scrapers said it best when they painted the sky in navy and orange.

This sort of death occurring in your face deserves a ticket, better yet, a warrant.

War waging ants killed the queen while searching for the head.

A leader, guide, or shepherd is someone who chooses to die in my stead.

Listening to The Used and Thinking About Lions

Have you ever seen the movie called the Truman show?  It stars Jim Carrey, and I can honestly say that I laughed through out most of the movie.  There is one specific scene that I recall from time to time.  While sitting in the bathroom Truman, Jim Carrey’s character, has drawn on the mirror with what I believe was shaving cream. He has made the reflection in the mirror appear to be an astronaut.

Travel down this road with me for a moment. What if there was a real life that existed in the reflection?  What if that person in the reflection had a world, reality, and life just as real as mine and yours.  One could make the argument that the “other side” of the mirror could very well be an astronaut.  We would have no way to know that that other life was faking it. The helmet was there; all the surroundings appeared to fit the role.  However, we know that the real person on “our side” of the mirror was just a poor imitation of a space explorer.  We could have reached out and drawn anything on that mirror, and the astronaut would be no more. 

Let’s play a game.  (Imagine that said in the creepy voice from the movie Saw.) I want you to go into the kitchen grab a cup of water, head to the bathroom, clean off the mirror, grab some shaving cream, and then do your best to make the “other side” of you a lion.  I found it helpful for me to stay as still as possible and to start with the mane.  If you need drawing tips you can come over to my house and watch “Simba” AKA “The Lion King” (Jordan prefers the first title.)  You can also draw some other animals, trees, or maybe a sunset.  You can draw anything that will add to your alternate self becoming a lion. 

Are you happy with the lion on the other side of a mirror?  If someone were to look at the reflection that was coming from the glass of the mirror would they know you were a lion?  Do you think they would call you a lion?  Whenever you leave the mirror will people still know that your goal is to look like a lion?  Nope, why is that?  The reason is because all of the evidence of you wanting to be a lion is left on the mirror.  That mirror holds all of your works, efforts, and time trying to achieve your goal. 

Your reflection will never change until you change what you look like personally.  Manipulation of the mirror itself was the thing that was making you look like a lion.  When we as Christ followers want to look like Christ we need to quit changing the environment around, and we need to start focusing on changing ourselves to look like Christ.  Once Christ does the changing in our hearts, lives, and “appearance”, that is when our reflection will truly change. 

Absorb

Absorb.  When you think of this word what is the image, action, or idea that pops into your mind? When I think of the action of something being absorbed I tend to always resort to the sponge method.  I visualize this method with me standing at the sink in our house watching John wash dishes while I am drying them.  He takes a sponge and sticks it in the soapy water and what happens while he sticks the sponge under water is a squeezing process. That piece of cloth is being held in hot water and compressed at all sides.  This is just an understood part of the sponges’ job because if you want to get the most amount of action out of the sponge you have to fill this tool’s voids with different substances besides the normal air.  That sponge comes out dripping with nice, clean, and useful soapy water because it was dipped, submerged, and surrounded by that stuff at the point of great compression.

That sponge has no choice but to put out what is put into it when it was squeezed.  There is no chance for the sponge to say “Hey, I know I was dipped in motor oil, but I really want this fluid inside of me to come out as Diet Coke”.  That sponge is in a way controlled by it’s surrounding when it is compressed, and I honestly don’t think that there is any hope for the sponge to ever change that.  If that sponge is dipped into water it is going to put out water; oil puts out oil; coke puts out coke; acid put outs acid.  However, the main action I want to examine in this analogy is not the act of what is put out, but I want us to look at the act of squeezing. 

The bridge I want us to build here is correlating the sponge to ourselves.  So if the sponge=a human then what does the liquid=?  How about this:

Sponge=Human            So        Liquid=Actions

If this does not seem fair then you should go ahead and quit reading because this will be an “understood” relationship from this point on.  I will explain my reasoning in detail, but if this is too much of a stretch to read on I will not be offended at all. 

            Something that I struggled with from the moment I started following Christ at the age of 17 was living a balanced life.  When a time of trial would come along I would almost always resort to actions that were not at all the way Christ acted.  Well can you blame me?!  It is really hard to grow up and go from living in sin, getting instant gratification, having a weird home life, and being abused by your step dad; then all of a sudden meeting Christ face to face and being commanded to live like him without having a strong daily example to lead you.  Just a side note:

Strong Daily Example  =Dad

            I am making a point here, not excuses.  I knew what I was doing was morally, ethically, and even biblically wrong.  However, what I did not know, believe, or consider was that the actions to make me feel better were in reality leading me down a path making me feel worse.  That path I was going down was leading me to my hell here on earth.  (“My hell here on Earth” blog is coming soon.)  That path was paved with the actions I would excrete whenever I was going through a tough time.  I never started acting out in unmoral, unethical, or terrible ways until I felt squeezed (around the age of 12). This squeezing process is what helped me to identify myself as an individual, musician, and human.  When I found that identity I pretty much stuck to it through out my life until I was 17.  Everybody knew me the same, and I would still say that everybody still knows me the same.  If you were to ask one person from the town I was raised in about me the story would probably not differ much from the other people in town.  So it is safe to say that the squeezing process is what helped me figure out what filled my life, helped other people know me, and defined me as a person.  People don’t watch when your life is normal.  That is why shows like Jersey Shore, The Hills, The Apprentice (GO CLINT!!!), or any other high drama reality show exist.  People like watching people being squeezed, and then they identify that person by their actions when life is going nuts.  I also am a firm believer that you get to know a person best when they are at their worst.  I believe that because it holds true in my life. 

Tough Times=Squeezing

You see, my hell I once lived in here on Earth is the only hell I will ever experience.  I do not have to put up with the pain, separation from God, or destruction that exists here in this fallen world.  That sentence is in the correct tense.  I can experience true freedom while alive here on Earth through Christ.  However, my life was not always a life of contentment like it is now.  I had to wake up for months in a row to a person that hated himself, treated himself like crap, and found joy in his own destruction.  None the less, now by simply dying to myself everyday and letting Christ take control of my life, I get to experience a taste of Heaven day in and day out.  What does it mean to die to self?  Well it could mean tons of things, but I will tell you how I live this out.

Whenever I pray, read scripture, or pursue God through serving Him or other people I am excreting something incredible from my life (sponge).  Try and think of the water, oil, Diet Coke, or acid that we talked about coming out of the sponge earlier.  I picture heavenly things pouring out of my sponge when I am living like Christ.  I don’t always feel like swimming around in the type of liquid (or those type of actions).  When life is crummy for Christ followers it is really tough on them to be obedient and not live for instant gratification.  We see people who are “happy” in the media and we buy the path to happiness that they sell us.  Those heavenly pictures coming out my sponge look completely different than what the media sells me, but I admit I still fall for the trap everyday.  When I choose to let the actions of Christ replace the actions that me as a sinful human want to trust in, I die to myself. These Heaven images I mentioned earlier include stuff like forgiveness for others, listening to people, racism being trampled in the US, feeding the hungry, helping the hurting, the Texas Rangers winning the World Series, Jerry Jones selling the Cowboys to Nolan Ryan, or Lecrae signing ISEI to be an artist for Reach Records.  (Ok so maybe more heavenly than those last few, but you get the point.)  You have to remember what I just stated a few paragraphs before this one, the squeezing process is the part I want to highlight.

So when I am squeezed, I end up with true joy when the liquid (liquid=actions) I choose to be submerged in to be submerged in, surrounded by, or controlled with is the same substance or liquid (liquid=actions) that came out of the sponge that we call Jesus Christ.  If I want to end up with true happiness then the only way I have found is this: The actions of Christ have to be the actions that I mimic whenever I am squeezed, or going through tough times.  The only way for a sponge (human) like me to put out liquid (actions) like Christ in times of compression is to be submerged in Christ’s blood first.